Sitting on it.

Thank you for your well wishes and encouragement; and to those of you who tried to play the devil's advocate (you know who you are and you've always played the role so well), thank you for relenting and finally agreeing with me. See, this is what I do. I make up my mind and then tell everyone I know what the situation is, ask for their reaction, and then proceed to persuade them to see it my way. It's like if I succeed with my powers of persuasion, then I convince myself that I'm right.

And since there really is no formal offer, I have no decision to make. Things could change a dozen times before I get a chance to make a choice.

In the meantime, much more wonderful things are in the works. I am spending July in Prague teaching and networking with famous, fabulous writers. Woot! One of my dearest, most fabulous friends is getting married in France at the end of August. Hooray! This means two things for me: 1)I get to buy a new hat, and 2)I get to find a way to kill a month in Europe, cuz I'm not shelling out summer European airfare twice. I already have two pretty solid options: stay on in Prague and babysit or bartend in a friend's latest business venture south of Dublin. I'm leaning toward Irish pub life. Duh.

Can anyone out there propose any other options?

And HB is breezing into town to pick up his furniture. This means: an emptier house (I'm a slave to others' absence) and greater liberation from the ex whom I still love but choose not to be with. I'm looking forward to seeing him, and eager to observe myself in his presence. I feel like such a different woman than the one I embodied when we were together. The only way I can describe it is I'm more in possession of my power. And it's thanks to deliberate time away from an "other".

Have I mentioned how much joy I find in being alone these days? Seriously. I am productive and producing exactly what I want, including a deeper understanding of what it is I want. Connecting to my own desire, not someone else's is incredible freeing. I highly recommend it.

Yesterday the sun shone, the birds sang, a warm breeze moved the newly blossomed daffodils and I hurried home after work to go for a run. It's all I wanted to do. That has never happened before. I run; I've trained for a marathon; I exercise most days. Not because I love it, or particularly enjoy these things . . . I love what it does for me and the way I feel. But yesterday I longed for the doing of it, not the effect. And strangely, running the trails was a little hard, but I appreciated my breath and the way my body moved differently.

Thank God for spring. It changes everything and creeps up like a surprise every damn year.